Tags: shibariboy

xkcd sex

Let me sort your books!

So, I've had fantasies (oft termed as daydreams) since I was very young indeed, many of which I have long since forgotten as my world twisted around and changed, and the boys who were oh-so-important then, become less so now.

Many of them are kinky --early me had a total thing for being watched, for being an exhibitionist, and most of all for being a naive young woman taken advantage of by the clever and evil gentleman. Very scandalous, I'm sure!

Now, like I said, many of these are long since forgotten. Occasionally I'll recall the rough shape of one, and see if my modern self still fits into it, a new twist on an old fantasy. And every once in a very great while, well, the world will twist *just* so, and all a sudden, there I am standing inside something I hadn't thought about in many years, yet decisively living a daydream.

Case in point, ShibariBoy just move into a new place, and is frantically trying to get ready for a convention. I asked if there were anything I could do to help in the couple of days before I visited, and he offered me the job of sorting out his library. Which pulled me straight back into ninth grade, when I had the elaborate daydreamed situation of how I would be the live-in librarian for a very rich young gentleman --who happened of course to be the current object of my affections. Hijinks (and true love!) followed of course.

I...I think I could be okay with being a slutty librarian for him! And it certainly is interesting to realize just where parts of that particularly thorough (and indeed, it is *rather* pervasive in my world) fetish came from --I've been a bibliophile for years, but the active librarian bit is a little different from what I'm used to.

Now, I seem to recall a fanfiction in which Hermione and Severus had sex on a charmed (to stay clean, of course!) stack of books. Let's see if that's at all doable anytime soon, hm?
xkcd sex


Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god you guys!

I have flights to and from the city in which ShibariBoy lives!

I'll be gone the seventh to the fifteenth of June, and hopefully my 750words account will not suffer *too* dearly from then. Here, at least, should be provided with plenty of incentive to write, and inspiration too!

I am so fucking excited!! I have no idea what's going to happen, what we're going to do. I recognize the ridiculosity of me visiting him two weeks before we're gonna see each other anyways, at the con we met at. I know full well that BestFriend is going to kill me, for barely spending any time at the place I grew up, and mom too.

But I don't care. 'Cause in seventeen days time...I'll be leaving on a jetplane and going to go have a just fucking *awesome* adventure.

Possibly literally.

xkcd sex

Oh my goodness...

So, after my second orgasm or so, as we settle back into cuddling, ShibariBoy leans over to me and whispers those three little words that every girl so loves to hear:

"to be continued"

Oh, doesn't it just make your heart *melt*!?
xkcd sex

A few thoughts on pain

Fuck I love pain though.

Oh true, I'm not very good at pain. I can't always take a lot of it. When I am in extreme or unending pain, I get very very bitchy about it, especially when it's the sort of pain given to me without any sex attached at all -menstrual cramps and toothaches and my head pounding.

But I *like* pain. I like being spanked and scratched and bit and hit. I love clamps, and being pinched and twisted and pulled until I can barely wear a bra, my nipples are so fragile and sensitive. I've not yet gotten to play with hot wax or cold ice, but I look forward to it, and I'm sure I'll enjoy it too.

And really, I'm not a painslut, by any stretch of the imagination. My bottoming style is more submissive than masochistic --I like to be told by my sir what a good (or even better, bad!) girl am I, and have him treat me right. Truth be told, I want my master to be a daddysort, and yes, I realize I have issues. I love the mental aspect of it all, the subtle averted eyes.

But _fuck_ I love pain though.

I think it's just how alive it makes me feel. If you're feeling pain, you must be real, and man, does it start the endorphins wailing. "THERE'S SOMETHING HURTING" they howl.

"I WANT IT TO!" I scream back, and tilt my head back and laugh, laugh in the hysterical-crazy way I only really manage when I'm in a negative mood gone manic, or when I've been hurt so badly my brain finally snaps away from caring. It's a wonderful

And so when no one's looking, I'll pinch my nipples, and pretend that I can be as cruel as FatherMaster. I'll run my nails along my skin, harder and harder until I raise welts. When I cum, I have a tendency to shove a hand in my mouth and bite as hard as I can --biting myself both because the pain hurts so good, and because I can almost never bite someone else as much as I'd like to.

Because really now. Fuck I love pain though.

Yes, the above was brought to you by Tim Minchin. I agree with him, quite a bit --I'm a feminist and a half, but fuck I love boobs though, and the best thing about being a chick is that I get to play with breasts whenever I want.

I wouldn't rub it in, but it's just so much a delight!

In other news, at Frolicon (which I am *so jealous* that I did not get to go to, and it seems near-positive that I will be attending next year) apparently ShibariBoy got a chance to deliver his very first spanking.

It was apparently well received --spoken compliments from onlookers. Vocal compliments from the lucky girl in question.

Needless to say, my mind perked up at this point in the conversation. I have very clear internal rulings about spankings --I can't just get boys to deliver them. This is why, although BelovedBoy has reluctantly offered, I have declined. Because, while I enjoy the pain, but there's something more, just another little spark that makes it really fun.

I need to *deserve* the spanking. I need to be told by a sir that I'm a bad bad girl. I need to be bent over a table, or a counter, or a couch, or a lap, and wacked firmly and strongly. I need to count strokes with fear in my voice, and trembling, admit to what I did wrong.

Spankings are a delicious sort of pain. But they're an even *more* delicious sort of submission.
xkcd sex

Doing it for SCIENCE!

The science museum is sexy.

No really. Perhaps I'm just a geek, but science is hot as hell! There is all this delicious innovation and excitement floating around, there are things to discover, and it's all about breaking down the machines and rules I deal with every day in order to learn how they work, piece by little piece.

That, and some of the exhibits are just terrific. When I take over the world, I will have to steal a science museum for my own benefits. The little vibration machine, running from 20 to 2000 hz? Oh yes, we'll have one of those. The big ol' plasma tube, where if someone puts their hand on it, then runs their fingers just by your arm? Oh, gloriously yes! (Thanks ShibariBoy, for getting me all hooked on electricity in the first place. Bastard!)

And more importantly than all that, the passion and excitement and wonder about it all! I should've brought a notebook for my Magic Pleasures Shop stories, I could've found kinky uses for all manner of the exhibits there! It's a perverted little heaven, if you just look at it all in the right manner. And I *do* look at such in the right manner, believe me.

I am a bad, bad girl. But a pretty damn awesome scientist.

Ever since going to the science museum on Sunday, my mind has been filled with whispers of ideas of things I *want* from ShibariBoy.

See, ShibariBoy likes electricity, an awful lot. He has a pretty little tens machine, and the last time we were together, there was some (very g-rated) fiddling around with it. It was plenty fun and not particularly painful.

Except for one lovely moment when a friend of his attached the electrode to a wartenburg wheel, and was running it along her and his arms. I'd never played with a wheel before, I requested, even upon warning that the sensation was a bit more painful than anything ShibariBoy and I had done with the machine.

It was indeed. Each little pinprick burned into my skin, and *oh* was it good. It hurt like the dickens then, but just now I find myself craving it rather desperately. Such a lovely little sort of pain.

On Sunday, there was the plasma ball, and I learned you can get a similar, although not as strong, sensation. One person places his hand on the ball, you stick out your arm, and he runs his fingers not-quite-touching over your arm. The electricity hums against your skin in a most delightful way.

I want ShibariBoy to visit more than anything, because I do so desperately want to be tied down and up. But at the moment, even more than that, I need a little shock treatment.
Naked and Friendly

Well then...

So, I tried out Chatroulette for the first time the other night.

I did it for the "lols" as the internet says, and, while it didn't deliver all that much of them, it also delivered a little bit of something else.


Now, see, I don't think of myself as a huge exhibitionist. I mean, FatherMaster and I have gotten into naughty things in hotel hallways, and ShibariBoy has given me the oh-so-delicious gift of covert bondage, but none of that is really *exhibition*. The clothes stay on, and I keep myself hidden away. Should anyone wander by, we become the picture of innocence. Should anyone ask, I'm just wearing the clothes you see, nothing hidden.

But for Chatroulette...

Start with the camera aimed at my tits --they're not gonna get my face, not if they're also going to get anything even slightly more risque of me. And for a bit it was me with a shirt, and then a boy offered me a trade. A shot of him stroking his hard cock in exchange for the removal of said shirt. His shot was brief, but effective. One pretty pink bra: delivered.

And that was all for that night. But I worry, because when I slid a hand so gently between my legs, I was wetter than I've been in a month. And I really don't think of myself as your typical camwhore --I don't take pouty pictures or close ups of my breasts for the chans or strangers. Among other things, screencaps are too easy to take, and I sure as hell don't want that on my resume. But the idea of showing myself, no face, no name, no identity, to someone I knew just as little about?

While he stroked himself in my honour which, let's be honest, is such a phenomenal turn-on as to be ridiculous?

Oh yeah. It was good. It was incredibly good, and I'm getting all squirmy just thinking about it. I dunno. I'm still not a camgirl, and one of these days I might just run into someone I know. But in the meantime...maybe if I've got a quiet room, I can try indulging myself again sometime.
Touch Everyone

An Introduction of Titles

As stated in my earlier post, I've decided that using descriptive titles is a clearer way to explain my relationships than easily muddled letters.

In this post, I aim to say a few words about why I chose the titles I did.

BestFriend -- This one needs no explanation, she is simply my Best Friend, and has been since we were eight. There are other people who may be closer to me or know more about my current life, but they do not qualify in any way as a best friend.

BelovedBoy -- As a somewhat aware non-heterosexual, I've spent much time looking for a good way to refer to my boy/girl/mtf/ftm/boi/grrl/whatever friends. Significant Other just sounds so clinical to me (despite xkcd's wonderful bastardization of the term), partner implies an eternity I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready to face, lover implies sexual intimacy, etc. I finally hit upon Beloved as getting the point across, and being entirely genderneutral.

BelovedDude -- See above. She would be BelovedGirl if she hadn't specifically mentioned that she doesn't feel the word girl fits.

ComplicatedBoy -- As per xkcd, I formally asked him to be my complication on Facebook. He is the mentally youngest of my current partners, I believe, which adds several layers of complication.

ComplicatedGirl -- She is not actually very complicated at all, beyond claiming to be heterosexual and having quite an interest in girls. The name serves primarily to tie her with ComplicatedBoy, as they have a very close relationship.

CrazyEx -- He is my ex. He is crazy. He fucked me up quite a bit, and I am bitter. He may very well do non-crazy things, but that doesn't stop that he tainted almost three years of my life by being a part of them.

DragonTech -- He is a professional theatre tech, trying not to starve. Through extended chatting online, I've learned that he tends to be draconic with his actions and avatar.

ExEx -- She is my ex-girlfriend. Who, during the summer of 2008, I began dating again. Ex-exgirlfriend. Ex-ex.

FatherMaster -- We are merely sexually involved, and theoretically not even that, He quite likes being in command of a squirmy little nineteen year old, giving him the master title. He is also the first person to ever be in a situation where they could bone fide hold me as I cry, and has spent much energy worrying about me and supporting me, giving him the title of Father. (My daddy issues will be a separate post)

Gentleman -- He really truly is. He is such a Nice Boy it almost hurts to think about. I'm still waiting for him to be revealed to have the head of his ex girlfriend in his closet, or something, he is that sweet and pure and good. (Pure is slightly of a misnomer -He's heard of Good Vibes, among other things.)

GirlfriendInLaw -- This is a technically inaccurate title, in that there is no marriage to cement the in-law title. She is the other girlfriend of my BelovedBoy.

Heartbreaker -- He was a high school romantic fling who dumped me, went out with this crazy bitch "friend" of mine for two years, and took something like a year and a half for me to actually get over. We are now quite close friends, but he remains the sharpest pain in my heart.

Kitty! -- The first time I ever met him, he spent the length of time acting more than a little cat-like. Old nicknames die hard.

OneNightGirl -- A girl I had a one night threesome with.

OneNightBoy -- A boy I had a one night threesome with.

Redhead -- And absolutely *gorgeously* so.

Regret -- There was a point in my life where I had to decide between continuing to date CrazyEx, who was local, or Regret who was quite not. I chose the former. I believe that my experiences have all stacked upon each other to bring me to the quiet perfection that is my current relationships, but given the ability to choose the other way at that point, I would have been hard pressed not to change my mind and save myself some pain.

ShibariBoy -- I picked him up this summer, and for a while we just talked shop, before realizing that the sextalk was getting more intense, and oh yes, naughty things wanted to be done between the two of us. We've still gotten little chance, but he is absolutely wonderful to distract my thoughts with.
Touch Everyone

A cast of letters

For the sake of my personal anonymity, I shall refer to the people in my real world and my real life by letters or numbers. Dependent on the person, they may have one or two characters to identify them. I hope they are not found to be too confusing.

With many of them, I hope to later do a proper introduction post, that gives a more in-deapth look at a single person, explaining who they are to me and how they've impacted me sexually. Once that has been done, I shall provide links in this post.

I will list them in the following way:
Name -- our relationship, their age, their sexualities, their gender, their kinks, location.

EDIT: After a thought-provoking post in polyamory, I've decided to use descriptive names instead of initials. I have done a separate post explaining why I chose each descriptor, which can be found here.

The location labels whether they are local (in the same city I attend college), back home (in the state where I grew up) or far away (anywhere else). The terms "mtf" and "ftm" stand for "male to female" and "female to male" respectively.

The list is alphabetical.

Me -- involved sexually, 19 years old, pansexual, polyamorous, female leaning genderneutral, light interest in bondage, dom/sub, and light pain (biting, spanking, scratching), local


BestFriend -- my best friend, never involved romantically or sexually, 19 years old, heterosexual, bisexual?, monoamorous, female, bondage, dom/sub, back home

BelovedBoy -- involved romantically, involved sexually, involved with GirlfriendInLaw, 31 years old, heterosexual, polyamorous, male, vanilla, local

BelovedDude -- involved romantically, involved sexually, 21 years old, pansexual, asexual, polyamorous?, genderneutral, FTM, light interest in bondage, dom/sub, light pain, far away

ComplicatedBoy -- involved romantically, have been involved sexually, involved with ComplicatedGirl, involved with a currently unnamed girl, ???, 27 years old, heterosexual?, male, ???, local

ComplicatedGirl -- involved with ComplicatedBoy, possibly involved with FatherMaster, 20? years old, heterosexual?, female, ???, far away

CrazyEx -- have been involved romantically, have been involved sexually, 37 years old, heterosexual, bisexual?, monoamorous, male, interest in anal, back home.

Dragon -- involved romantically and sexually, 23 years old, bisexual, polyfriendly, male, interest in BDSM, light pain, far away

ExEx -- have been and once again are involved romantically, 18 years old, homosexual, monoamorous, pre-everything ftm, ???, back home

FatherMaster -- involved sexually, possibly involved with GirlfriendInLaw, involved with a currently unnamed girl, 36 years old, heterosexual, bisexual?, polyamorous, male, interest in bondage, dom/sub, master/slave, pain, local

Gentleman -- involved romantically, involved very mildly sexually, 24? years old, heterosexual?, polyfriendly, male, ???, local

GirlfriendInLaw -- involved with BelovedBoy, possibly involved with FatherMaster, 24 years old, heterosexual, female, ???, far away

Heartbreaker -- have been involved romantically, 21 years old, heterosexual, male, ???, back home

Kitty! -- involved sexually, 21 years old, heterosexual, bisexual?, male, ???, back home

OneNightGirl -- involved sexually once, 19? years old, bisexual, female, threesomes, ???, local

OneNightBoy -- involved sexually once, 20 years old, heterosexual?, possibly pre-everything mtf, Bondage, heavy pain, possibly dom/sub, possibly master/slave, threesomes, local

Redhead -- slightly involved romantically, slightly involved sexually, 21 years old, heterosexual, polyamorous, male, bdsm, biting, other light kink, threesomes, exhibitionism, far away

Regret -- have been and possibly still are involved romantically, have been involved sexually, involved with a currently unnamed girl, 22 years old, heterosexual, polyamorous?, male, very light interest in kink, far away

ShibariBoy -- involved sexually, involved with several unnamed girls, 27 years old, heterosexual, monoamorous?, bondage, electricity, dom/sub, far away